I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
