Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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