Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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