i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
