You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
