it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
