well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
