Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
