Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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