A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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