these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
