Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize