Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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