He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
