Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
