i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
