Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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