I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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