rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
