I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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