Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
