i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
