If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize