Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
