A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
