Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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