How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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