ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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