I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
