Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
