I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
