Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
