I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize