last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
