Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
