i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
