Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
