I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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