Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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