this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
