I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
