I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
