Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
