So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
