WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize