i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
