I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My vagina is officially offended.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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