I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
