You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
