I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
