the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
