Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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