It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Never underestimate the power of titties
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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