so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize