Do you still have your period?
I cockslap morals
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
