I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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