he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize