Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
