I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
