Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
