Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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