Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
