im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
