Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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