I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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