no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
