I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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