It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she told me i tasted like america
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
