how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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