first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
