lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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