it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
