I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
