I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
