Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize