Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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