she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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