Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
