moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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