matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
