He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
