you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
