She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
