Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
