Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
