just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize