shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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